The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
