He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
