yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
