did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
