Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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