I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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