"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
