I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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