plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize