Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
