I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
