whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
