what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
