Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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