If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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