It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
