Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
