why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
