I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
