True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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