yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
