We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
