i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
