hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
