New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize