my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
