Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
