i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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