two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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