I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
