i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize