Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
