i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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