your parents love me but you hate me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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