I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
