Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
