I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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