She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
