Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
where are my eyebrows?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
