Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
