I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
