Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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