She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
