Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
