somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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