Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
