Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize