I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
