yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
