Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
