White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
