if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the raccoons are back...
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