Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
