it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
