is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
