Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it's great music for shaving your balls
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
