Say something about gay babies.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize