It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
