Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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