Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
