Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
