he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish I only lived at night.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize