Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
