what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
