I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
They have beer where we have blood.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
