just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
