youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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