So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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