found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
