Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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