Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
