sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
