dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
