You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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