I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
please come you make the beer taste better
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
