brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
