i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
