I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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