I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish life had little blips of pornography
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
